The Grim Recapper: 12 Things

Thought I'd get this started with twelve things all about me. Enjoy!

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1. On November 22, 1963, he was almost assassinated by a crazed gunman while driving through Dallas, but Scott Bakula managed to save him in time.

2. He may not necessarily be bigger than Jesus, but he's bigger in the sense that matters.

3. He spends too much time on Facebook commenting on status updates people he doesn't even know posted.

4. He cannot see Russia from his house, does not shoot bison from a helicopter, and is positive he could name at least one major American publication when asked. But he does occasionally write things on his hands to remember them. Crap.

5. He was the inspiration for the songs Barcelona, Waterloo, Tears In Heaven, and Murder On The Dancefloor.

6. He could do a better job of designing challenges and choosing locations for The Amazing Race than the current producers.

7. Monkey!

8. He would like to congratulate Ricki-Lee Coulter in advance for managing to turn the finest car seat cover money can buy into a dress for the Logies.

9. He has never bought a DVD based solely on the fact that a hot guy is semi-naked in it. Never. At all. Ever. Really. WHY ARE YOU GIVING HIM THAT LOOK?!

10. He thinks Eddie McGuire better be careful when he gets back from Vancouver, because he's unpopular enough to have made it onto the List Of People That Require Unfortunate Circumstances, and once you're on the List, chances are you won't escape it until the recapper foretells said unfortunate circumstances. (See also: Michael Jackson, Australian Survivor winner Rob Dickson, Kyle Sandilands.)

11. He was as bored reading this list as you were. [Edit: And can apparently count as well as your unborn demon spawn.]

Something something "Welcome!"

So. Yeah. Throughout the past year and a bit I’ve spent quite a lot of time, basically, Zaprudering TV shows and mocking them. And, as you’d expect, it gets tedious. Even the weirdness of accidentally foretelling a contestant’s grisly death isn’t enough to really keep me interested in the concept to do it with any regularity. (The previous sentence, of course, is also exactly what slutty people think about sperm as soon as they get married.) So I’m basically going to stop recapping, for the most part. It’s a tough decision, considering I’ve written over a quarter of a million words for the various shows I’ve covered, and the time I’ve spent doing it, but it’s one I feel is necessary to stop me from turning the recaps into personal bitch sessions. Because, as you may be aware, those are the very things I hate the most. So, rather than write up a full recap for each episode and then post them at the blog I’d set up for the show, I’m going to do the following: I’ll still do the “Previously On The Show You’re Reading About” bit, but from there I’ll just watch the episodes as normal and make, like, a shortlist of things that I feel like snarking on and talking about from the episode. The blogs I’ve already created and the recaps will remain where they are (for once), and all new content will be added here (though the stuff for shows I’m already covering will be cross-posted). Hopefully, this way will be less time-consuming and/or damaging to my grades/sanity than the way I’d been doing, and will allow me to get through shows both more quickly and with more variety – this way, I’m more inclined to take on a sitcom or a wide-arcing mythology show like any of the JJ Abrams canon than I would have been beforehand, as well as shows that don’t particularly lend themselves to sarcastic commentary (like Quantum Leap or the non-fashion parts of 21 Jump Street). So to recap the entirely non-funny recap-related business at hand: Shorter recaps but more variety. Seems like it’s a win-win for everyone, except for those people who really, really want to read nineteen trejillion different variations of “Team gets lost. They argue. Shut up, team member/s.”

Occasionally, when I really feel like it, I might still do a couple of full length recaps, but they won’t be happening as a regular event. It’s just taking too much time out of my life and out of me at this point. So… welcome to the new digs. Sit down, put your feet up, and try not to kick Grant Denyer in the face.